Nothing...

There is nothing left to say...I've said all I can...I'm tired of crying silently by myself...I don't know whether this heart can take anymore rejection...I don't know if this heart can endure anymore pain. Met up with her today, I didn't like the way she looked at me...no love in her eyes...only hatred only. It kills me every time this happens...my heart feels as if a knife has been plunged deeper and deeper, a wound that would not heal. I fear that it'll be too late for us and that love will turn to spite...

Hope is not on my side, nor is happiness. I don't know what to say when more time is asked for...I wish that day will never come...I want my life back the way it was, in the arms of the woman I love. Life means nothing without the one you love...

Patience...

As I sit here alone at work, wondering how to make things right between us...I wonder when my opportunity will be...it just hurts me when more time is asked. Like I said before...time heals all wounds, I just hope this heart can last the wait.

Trying to be strong is an understatement...I don't know for how longer can I  fake a smile to my family and friends...How I wish this was all over and that we would happy together again...how I wish...how I hope...

For now, I'm holding on to hope. I have nothing else to hang on to...I just have to be patient and pray to ALLAH to make me strong during this troubled time. Alhamdulilah, an ounce of hope has been given to me when she texted  me that she does miss me, but still needs time to think things over. At least I can sincerely smile today...even if it is just a faint one...

My love...I miss you so much XOXO

Missing you ...

It's not easy for me to accept this separation between us...my first night away from her...I'm sleeping alone. Why is this happenning to me...why?? Don't leave me this way...don't let me be all alone like this...don't keep me hanging on to an empty piece of hope...

The reality of her rejection is killing me everytime it plays in my mind...over and over again...I'm dying inside, beyond emotional repair. why does it have to end like this...?? The peace that I had, ended the day she told me she wasn't happy with me...where has the love between us gone...?? We were so good together...

My days used to be filled with colours...now it's filled with darkness and lost hope. Being away from her is not easy for me...thoughts of her are constantly in this heart...joy has turned to sadness...life only has meaning to me when she's part of it. Thinking of all that we've been through...doesn't it mean anything to her...?? Never in my dreams did I foresee this coming...our life together faded into a memory...True love was a gift we took for granted. I cannot live without her by my side...she will forever be my love...I miss her badly...

I don't know....

My eyes hurt...my heart is in pain...my mind is numb...I don't know how long this heart can stand the pain of her ignorance. Trying to talk things out between us only leads to more tears and frustration. I don't know what else I can do to make her happy...I don't know what else can be said to make things right. I am lost...I feel worthless and useless as a husband. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership...I feel so alone.

Time heals all wounds...that is what is asked for...until when? I do not know... With each passing moment, not a second goes by that I do not think of her. It is with a heavy heart that I have choosen to move out from our place and move back to my family. It seems she is far more happier on her own... I don't know how for how long... I don't know how long I can live without her in my life. But if this is the only way to save a marriage...I have to live with it for now.

As I sit here...thinking of all that is going on...thinking of what I could have done to prevent all this. I am living in regret for all my wrongs. All the sorry's in the world cannot begin to forgive my wrongs...but I want to work things out between us...I want to move on with us...

Hope...

It's been a while...a long long while...times have changed and I've moved on in my life...I told myself once happiness is mine, there would not be a need to post my pain...no more tantrums to rant...no more pain to taste...but I was wrong.

Circumstances have changed in my life for the better, I found that special certain someone in my life that makes me smile to no end. I've commited and devoted my life to her...I've made a promise to ALLAH to look after her and protect her from all harm. Yes...I have finally found my soulmate...my best friend, my better other half...my wife.

Happiness should last forever...but once the honeymoon is over...reality takes over, it is not a friend of mine. Flash forward...I'm saddened by the fact that she does not care about me anymore...I've missed her hugs and the way her hand holds mine...I miss that look of love every morning I awake. I am invisible to her now...I am sorrowed everytime she turns away from me...I am in pain when she ignores my touch. My words are silent in her mind...I do not exist around her. Should a devoted and loyal husband deserve to feel this way?! Please understand...I have done no harm or no cause for the hatred and emptiness in her eyes. My questions to her have a silent reply...my heart cries in pain...my eyes...painful, trying to hold back the tears. I tell myself to be strong, hoping the next day will be a better day for 'us'. My prayers ask for nothing of but our happiness, but with each passing day the distance between us widens till no end. I don't know how long can I live this way...my heart can no longer tolerate the agony of pain. Hope is not by my side...

Jujur...

Why?

My 1st post for 2010...

I'm still awake...still lying here aimlessly wondering of what's going on in my life , staring up at the darkness above with an annoying knacker of wind outside my window. Life here is absolutely grey and cold. I don't see myself moving back here...I don't see myself going back either. I'm homesick & frustrated at the same time...I wanna go home to my loved ones...home, where I really belong. Sadly, that's not one of the options for me now. Being here is more of a curse rather than a blessing...

Eyes...eyes...why won't you sleep?! It seems my body has lost control...my tantrums have taken over again...