Rather....

What I'd rather be doing now?... I'd rather ride my bike and be a fool... than stay indoors another minute, locked up in here bored and all... I'd rather be out in the heat of the sun than spend another minute on the sofa flipping channels on TV. *sigh* A whole lot of other things I'd rather be doing than being in this condition of mine... It's about time everyone knew... I'm unwell... and I had to go away to get myself fixed, now it's recovery time... 4 weeks of recovery that is... so having minimal movement associated with pain and boredom can really be frustrating for a guy. No one knows the pain I had to go through...but it just had to be done and I blame no one but myself. Nuff said. Hence the missing posts two weeks back.

Switched on my phone this morning, received about 20 texts or so...all from Ms Dragon and Ms Angel, wondering where I am?? What's wrong with me?? I guess they too are frustrated with how I've been lately... I don't have the words to reply them...I don't know what to say at all, maybe it's better this way?? I hope they will forgive me one day. They're on mind...Ms Dragon has left...Ms Angel will be leaving...I just feel lost without them. I don't know how I will face the day when reality wakes me...when Ms Angel finally leaves my sights. I don't know what I'm looking for from them... it just isn't there?? Why do I keep all this pain inside...Why do I suffer alone...I don't know...I don't know...I have no answers....?? I just know I can't have everything I want...not now..not ever.

Love is losing it's meaning to me...it's lost it's sincerity...words are spoken, misunderstood...and unbelieved, only empty truths and complicated illusions remain. Maybe I've changed now...I'm so lost in this whole thing I'm going through... I look into the mirror...I hate what looks back... I feel worthless....