The X ....

I was away again...just a short trip to Bangkok...but none the less...a very tiring one too. So I guess , everyone now knows when my blog is not updated, then I'm away...work commitments as usual. It's been a while since my last trip to Bangkok, I see a lot of changes in the city...despite the traffic jams...it's still a great place to visit, the people are nice there. I wasn't expecting much on this trip...just work...some light shopping and a chance to enjoy the change in atmosphere...Bangkok is cooler this time of year. However my expectations were short lived... I ran into my ex-girlfriend at the hotel lobby...it's been like some 10 years since we've seen each other...and I was surprised to be greeted with such a wide grin from her...all the memories just came pouring into my mind...it made me forget that we parted on such sad terms...because I did catch her in bed with my best buddy. She came up to me...the usual' hug & kisses'...as if nothing happened at all...followed by questions of my being there... She seemed delighted to 'run into' me...apparently she's been there for the past week on training...alone. Since it was a Saturday afternoon, both of us weren't really committed to any plans... we decided have coffee at the nearest Starbucks to catch up on old times. First thing I noticed about her, is that she seems to be more enthusiastic than when I knew her... a complete difference I'm sure. I mean...we were going out for 6 years...nearly engaged even...so I can tell the positive changes in her.

First thing she said to me as we sat down..." I'm SORRY "..." I'm sorry I hurt you"..." I still regret what I did to you...please forgive me ?? " Being caught off guard...I kinda just replied her request in silence...but with a smile. I told her that from what had happened that day...it's not something that's easy to forgive nor forget...I'm scarred by the past...a part of me died that day and I've been careful ever since. It's not really easy for me to give my 100% of trust to anyone nowadays...once bitten, twice shy...never again...maybe?! From the look in her eyes, I hope she understood what I was trying to say...I hope she understood the pain I went through... After all was said and done, with emotions aside... we got to talking as old friends...updating each other with our life goals...happenings...accomplisments and heartaches for the past 10 years... She confessed to me that she didn't end up with my ex-best buddy after all...apparently after what happened that night, she never saw him again after that...it was her biggest regret and it did take her some time to get over the denial of losing me. She's been in a few relationships over the years, but nothing as serious as ours...and currently she's been single for the last year. Maybe by saying that she's trying to hint something...but I've learned my lesson after her...I don't need any reminders of the painful past.

Afternoon turned to dusk...we did a lot of catching up that day and learned so much about each other, but it was time for me to go...I had a dinner invitation to attend...work commitments again. It was so obvious that she was sad to see me leave her there...but then duty calls and that out weighs everything. She asked me if she could see me again later in the evening...even desperately hinting that she would rather spend time in my room than meeting elsewhere, I politely declined her... saying it wasn't such a good idea...I really couldn't trust myself with her.

I left her again that day...without looking back, without any regrets. 10 years ago, I promised myself that I won't let her hurt me again... I won't let her be a part of me anymore... I'm glad I kept that promise now. It's not easy to turn and walk away from your first love...it's not easy to ignore the memories, no matter how painful they are...it's not easy at all...