What I've done....

Another boring Saturday, nothing much planned. Been glued to the tube whole morning, watching channel 78 on Astro. The cars are cool...Which also reminds me, I have to get my ride washed. I looked out my window, grey clouds?! Ok scrap that thought then. Hmm..what else can I occupy myself with...let's see, the cat's fed, sent laundry to mum's place...mmm..yeah update my blog to share with the world about my dull existence. haha

Anyway, really thought long & hard (hey..hey...for the yellow-minded readers, I don't mean,what you think I mean ;) ) about 'her'. I thought of what she would be up to , where would she be, would I be on her mind... that sorta thing. I miss her and I'm just too proud to say it. Yes, I do regret saying that I want to forget her. Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes their mistakes. Maybe I'm just a memory to her, waiting to be forgotten. This is a part of love I'm not so fond of, missing someone and not being missed...

Before her, I've had my fair share of relationships, some good and others not worth mentioning or forgotten. I do not regard myself as a player, not charming enough to be one anyway. My first love found my best buddy to be such a great lover, little did she know, she found out the ugly way that he was a great lover to every girl he knew... After her, I was in and out of relationships. I met this girl, she was cool, great mind, great body and looks that would drive a guy nuts with joy. She was a very down-to-earth-girl-next-door type, you know, the one mum would approve of. Just one obstacle, she'd just been dumped by her fiance because he was bumping uglies with his buddy's girlfriend (sounds familiar??). Now a girl on the rebound, very bitter, defensive and unapproachable is not an easy tackle. But then again, nowadays no girl is an easy tackle right?... I guess they have their standards too. We became close friends, but she was away most of the time on work commitments and that she occasionally stayed with her dad in KL. She works as a part-time model, remember the chick in the Vochelle ad?? Her parents divorced when she was younger so she was used to living a divided life. It was great to meet someone like her, we had so much in common, we would even be able to finish each others sentences. I thought she's the one, no doubt about it. Things were going great for a couple of months, friendship turned to love and we were inseparable. Even when she was a away for a month long shoot, distance and time was not relevant to us. We 'skyped' at each and every opportunity we had. Then it happened, just after Raya, she got some disturbing e-mails, stuff about me ... ugly stuff about me. She received threatening e-mails too, saying to leave me alone. I suppose someone out there went through a whole lot of trouble to find out her e-mail address... I kept our relationship on such a low-key, even my close buddies were in the dark. Till today, I'm still wondering how and who made it happened. She couldn't take it anymore, she left me, left the country and I haven't seen her since. My messages were never replied, my calls were never answered. I was heartbroken again, I was lost. I sent her a final message, which I hope she read...

" I can't force you for anything... I respect your decision to leave me and as hurtful as it is, I will leave you alone as I'd rather that we part with good memories than sad ones . I'm really sorry for all the pain I've caused you to suffer and hope one day you will find love in your heart to forgive me. Lastly, I want to thank you for the good moments we shared and for all the smiles & laughs you've given me. I will miss our little chats the most. Take care of yourself and I hope you will find someone out there to take care of your heart and appreciate you as I did."

I think of her sometimes, and I hope she does think of me too. Even though we are no more, I do wish her each year on her birthday and I hope one day she will realise how much I really cared for her....