Again....

I have to face reality that love will always never be mine...I've asked myself this a million times on...why do I make the wrong choices in life?? Why do I constantly put myself in misery's path?? Maybe a meaningless life of misery is the only life meant for me?? What happened to the love that I believed I knew?? I thought my heart would be safe with her...I thought I knew her by now... I suppose life is only hard as you make it..... I'm rambling again....

Ms Dragon came to my flat unexpectedly the other day wanting to make amends...I guess I didn't have much of a choice...I didn't say much...I just wanted to hear what she had to say for herself, whether it was worth letting her in the door. I told her of the conflicting feelings in my heart...about how unsure I see things in life now. Then it happened...the conversation turned meaningless when she said she way leaving. Ms Dragon had decided to move back to Melbourne with the boyfriend...she thought it would be the best choice to save what's left of the relationship, that is...until she met me... She regrets her choice now, but plans have been made by both their families to start them off a new life there. Disappointment sinks deeper in my mind...If her heart won't willingly be mine, then there's no sense in forcing love. What's the point??!! I stayed silent...my mind knows not what to do...she left after that, maybe she felt lost too...

It seems everyone is moving on with their lives...but why not me?? Am I not the person anyone wants to be with in their life? Is it that hard for me to accept changes? I'm at a loss...I'm worn out...I'm dead inside...