Woke up this morning hating myself for becoming the person I am now...a slave to Ms Angel... a slave to misery. I've tried to ignore these feelings for too long...I'm tired of it, but no matter how hard I try to forget it, pain finds itself to me with such ease. Ms Angel is back...I received a text from her last night, I didn't reply her at all... I didn't know what to say anyway...I'm such a mess?? Should I be happy or grateful of her return, even though if only for a short time?? It's hard enough to cope with, when she's not around...but then again, it's harder to cope with when she is around too...how hard can life get?? However, I do feel a slight joy that she's back too, not because I miss her...but because I'm surprised that she looks well and rested, that she's been taking care of herself. How I wish I was the one looking after her instead...if her love were mine....but maybe not in this lifetime anyway. Nothing is perfect in this world right??....and you can't always have everything you want.
As I'm writing this, I just saw Ms Angel passing by my office...not even a turn to say 'hello'..not even a glimpse from her...she must be ticked off by my ignorance, I think. I don't know whats my next move...should I just leave it be for her to end up hating me or should I respond to her and suffer a dilemma of misery and confusion?? I don't know....confusion clouds my judgement...my mind is numb for the moment.
People often say that misery loves company...to what extent of interpretation...I'm unsure myself, of the permanent truth to this. I do know that lately Ms Dragon has been going out of her way to keep me out of my misery...she seems to care so much about me...but yet, why don't I feel the same way about her?? I feel guilty for leading her on...not that I am purposely...but I know it'll end up like that. She's a good soul with a big heart and has the patience of an angel...I'm scared I'll lose her too...one day. I know she'll never be what Ms Angel was to me, though my mind wishes this was otherwise... I can't trust myself when I'm alone with her...I'm sure to regret it...if anything unexpected were to happen unintentionally between us....
As I'm writing this, I just saw Ms Angel passing by my office...not even a turn to say 'hello'..not even a glimpse from her...she must be ticked off by my ignorance, I think. I don't know whats my next move...should I just leave it be for her to end up hating me or should I respond to her and suffer a dilemma of misery and confusion?? I don't know....confusion clouds my judgement...my mind is numb for the moment.
People often say that misery loves company...to what extent of interpretation...I'm unsure myself, of the permanent truth to this. I do know that lately Ms Dragon has been going out of her way to keep me out of my misery...she seems to care so much about me...but yet, why don't I feel the same way about her?? I feel guilty for leading her on...not that I am purposely...but I know it'll end up like that. She's a good soul with a big heart and has the patience of an angel...I'm scared I'll lose her too...one day. I know she'll never be what Ms Angel was to me, though my mind wishes this was otherwise... I can't trust myself when I'm alone with her...I'm sure to regret it...if anything unexpected were to happen unintentionally between us....
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