I don't know....

My eyes hurt...my heart is in pain...my mind is numb...I don't know how long this heart can stand the pain of her ignorance. Trying to talk things out between us only leads to more tears and frustration. I don't know what else I can do to make her happy...I don't know what else can be said to make things right. I am lost...I feel worthless and useless as a husband. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership...I feel so alone.

Time heals all wounds...that is what is asked for...until when? I do not know... With each passing moment, not a second goes by that I do not think of her. It is with a heavy heart that I have choosen to move out from our place and move back to my family. It seems she is far more happier on her own... I don't know how for how long... I don't know how long I can live without her in my life. But if this is the only way to save a marriage...I have to live with it for now.

As I sit here...thinking of all that is going on...thinking of what I could have done to prevent all this. I am living in regret for all my wrongs. All the sorry's in the world cannot begin to forgive my wrongs...but I want to work things out between us...I want to move on with us...

Hope...

It's been a while...a long long while...times have changed and I've moved on in my life...I told myself once happiness is mine, there would not be a need to post my pain...no more tantrums to rant...no more pain to taste...but I was wrong.

Circumstances have changed in my life for the better, I found that special certain someone in my life that makes me smile to no end. I've commited and devoted my life to her...I've made a promise to ALLAH to look after her and protect her from all harm. Yes...I have finally found my soulmate...my best friend, my better other half...my wife.

Happiness should last forever...but once the honeymoon is over...reality takes over, it is not a friend of mine. Flash forward...I'm saddened by the fact that she does not care about me anymore...I've missed her hugs and the way her hand holds mine...I miss that look of love every morning I awake. I am invisible to her now...I am sorrowed everytime she turns away from me...I am in pain when she ignores my touch. My words are silent in her mind...I do not exist around her. Should a devoted and loyal husband deserve to feel this way?! Please understand...I have done no harm or no cause for the hatred and emptiness in her eyes. My questions to her have a silent reply...my heart cries in pain...my eyes...painful, trying to hold back the tears. I tell myself to be strong, hoping the next day will be a better day for 'us'. My prayers ask for nothing of but our happiness, but with each passing day the distance between us widens till no end. I don't know how long can I live this way...my heart can no longer tolerate the agony of pain. Hope is not by my side...