Terima Kasih Cinta

Afghan - Terima Kasih Cinta

Smile....you're home...

I'm home...home sweet home...no place I'd rather be...than here. I've been waiting so long to say that...it sounds kinda over-rated by now??! It's good to be back...an unexplainable feeling...as if to exhale all the built up stress over the past few weeks...the work has been draining my soul. Rest & relaxation is my only remedy...

About my trip...it's been a while since my last trip to NY...nothing much has changed...the city...the people...it's all the same... The only difference this time is that...MsAngel was there...like I said before, I 'm not gonna get myself hurt by her anymore...I resisted temptation...but still fell victim to lust & desire. Things happened between us, like a careless mistake...history repeats itself. This time round she caught me off guard... with talks of commitments, family and subtle hints of settling down... Confused...my mind is clouded by so many questions...my judgement unreasoned towards the sincerity of her gestures. Was it something that she had planned..or was it ignited by the moment..??!! I don't know...things happen for a reason, but there are so many mysteries in this world...it's hard to say what reasons would determine our destiny...right? Anyway, I kinda ignored her 'issues' for awhile...not because of being insensitive towards her feelings...but because I have no answers for her...My heart is in a place it doesn't want to be... I'm not convinced that she is the happiness I am longing for...nor am I prepared to give-in to her demands. Now the guilt haunts me...if whether I made the right choice...*sigh*. On the other hand, the plus side of my trip was that I managed to have a reunion with a few of my Indonesian college buddies living in L.A. , it was good to talk about old times and how our lives have changed over the years since then... I guess overall, we felt blessed at how our lives have turned out in the end...though they were a little surprised at why I haven't settled down with a family yet... I kindly replied that perhaps it's just not my time yet and I'll just have to be patient about it...

Well, I guess that about sums it up in a nutshell...a brief account of what's been happening since I've been away...I'm making the most of my short holiday...spending quality time with my loved ones...before I have to leave again...back to my daily grind...

Naive....

Naive people can do foolish things...I am one of them. Maybe it happens for a reason...maybe it happens to be a spontaneous act where stupidity takes over completely...I don't know...I seem to be the one who falls into the trap...well most of the time. For those who know where I am at the moment...it's been a hectic week for me...bordering on chaotic really. Stuck in the concrete jungle, one wonders how can these people survive the sights each morning..?? All I see is the gloom, the slum and the noise of it all. This place is not for me...I'm feeling more homesick now. The only consolation for me to get my mind off things is the comfort of seeing MsAngel. I've noticed these past few days that she seems a changed person...not like before...maybe,I think?? It's very contradicting I know...I'm only human. I'm indecisive...my judgement is poor. I can tell she's trying her best to get back into my world, but we both know the history between us, and in the end it will just repeat itself...regardless on how hard we try to make it work. She's even talking about commitments and all...that she's ready to settle down...tempting but will it work?? hmm...I feel lost with all these happenings, so for now I'm concentrating on getting work done rather than the conflict of MsAngel. We've been going out each night...I'm well looked after here...she's gone out of her way to take me out for a proper halal meal...instead of my usual ' stay-in instant noodles '. For that, I am still grateful to her...my only regret now was that I made the mistake of letting her stay over the other night...out of that gesture, she took advantage of the situation...and you guessed it...one thing led to another...opps! I did it again as Britney would put it... Anyway that's a story I'll share for another time...