You....

Ten Sharp - You

Another old song....my feelings...my words...dedicated to my love...whoever...where ever you are....

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss....

PM Dawn - Set Adrift on Memory Bliss.... an oldie...but goodie...

Silence please....

Listen to that...nothing...just the sound of raindrops outside...I can't believe how anyone can sleep through this thunderstorm...My body is tired, but my mind is wide awake...thoughts...tantrums and 'whatevers' plague my mind. Tossing and turning did not help...I'm fully awake again...I can hear the wind and raindrops crashing at my window...I feel helpless at the mercy of the weather...how I wish I wasn't alone at this point in time. It's been on my mind...was I wrong not to let MsAngel come home with me...what if I was..?? What if she did..?? A whole lot of 'what ifs ' inside this confused head of mine... A better part of me assured myself that it was good judgement that made me say it...then again the gullible side of me is regretting the decision...the conflicts within me, it's a burdening insanity...??! Layman's terms..." it's driving me nuts! ". I look at my phone...5 missed calls and a dozen texts...it's from her!!... She's playing me...teasing me...hoping to get lucky, I suppose...and she's not afraid to say it. She's hinting how excited she gets when she's alone with me...etc... I feel hopeless...I don't want to regret my actions...been there...done that...don't wanna go through it again...I want to ignore her...but the dirty messages she sends me doesn't help at all...I'm weak...I hate myself now...

Dreams come true...Nightmares haunt you...

It's raining outside...the sound deafens my peace...I'm messed up...really messed up again. Trying to carry on with my life is just another understatement...how do I move on, is another...??! I guess it started last weekend, feeling hungry on a Saturday night...I detoured to McDonalds on my way home...hoping that a BigMac & shake would suffice my appetite...instead I got more than I bargained for...while queueing I got a tapped on my shoulder...followed by a " Excuse I'm in a rush...do you mind?? " Surprised at such a remark...I turned around...eyes wide open, I kinda was taken aback at my sight...it was MsAngel!!?? Shocked as I was...trying to maintain a stunned composure...the only words that blurted out of me was " Your back..?? " MsAngel was getting herself some munchies as well...hence the surprise encounter or was it intended on her part??! I could sense that something had changed about her...she was grinning ear to ear...A takeaway was out of the question...I think I was given a guilt-trip about it and found myself sitting at the table with her...she wanted to do some catching up. She's back for CNY...a short stay for a week, then it's back to the States. Going forward...she' upset with me still for not replying any of her e-mails...and more upset for not replying her texts...I only answered with reason that's she's already spoken for, and that it would just hurt me more trying to get over her. Being pleased with herself for having the courage to ask me bluntly must have boosted her confidence...she had the cheek to ask me if she could come to my place..?? Eyes rolled wide, I had a faint smile...and said something like..." Wouldn't he mind??...." she replied..." it's over between us!! I found it out the hard way...he was screwing some bi#@h..!! ". My conscience got the best of me...I politely declined her advances, saying that I was staying at my parents house for temporarily, while my flat was painted...told her I repainted my kitchen...so the smell is still overwhelming...which is true up to a point, I got my kitchen painted last year...so a little doesn't hurt anyone. We went our separate ways later that night...left there with mixed feelings...and flashbacks of a painful past started to play in my mind again.

A few days have passed, apart from getting a text invite to her open house for CNY...I haven't heard much from her...not that I'm hoping for anything to happen...really I am....

Coming Home....

It's good to be home...It's good to be back...It's good to be surrounded by familiar faces... I feel as if I've just been released from prison...a moment to exhale as they say. I'm in my flat now...writing this blog on 'the' sofa...I forgot how comfortable it was just to lounge on...soothing me...I feel secure...for now. Everything is just as I left it...I'm grateful to the maid and the neighbours for looking after my place...without them I'd be greeted by dust & cob-webs...something I can do without...housework!

Looking out the window...I see an empty road...it's peacefu...I'm smiling, it's nothing like the bustle of Orchard Road...A good change of pace...I need the quiteness...I need the loneliness...I need the silence...my soul is in need of some zen, I have to work on that soon. I have a few days off work till next week...maybe it's time to hit the gym to de-stress ?? We'll see...

Well, it's 2009 now...can't believe that another year has gone by...the lost loves...the heartaches..and yes...the tantrums! So many bad memories...I'm trying hard to forget most of them...out with the old, in with the new...as people say...??!! As for my new year's resolutions...I haven't given it too much thought yet, except that I will "try" ( wink wink ) to update my blog more regularly as before...no promises...but I'll definitely give it a try...