Another night of sitting here alone..the silence is bearable for now, a thousand thoughts racing through my mind, wondering...of how to make some sense of the moment?! Literally I've been staring blankly at the window all day, stayed indoors because the world didn't look friendly today. Perhaps I'll try to step outside tomorrow, maybe tomorrow would be more inviting than today..
Why have I started writing again, you may wonder? I do admit that my absence has been for quite sometime, my regrets have always been present but this has always and only been my way of expressing my pain, my hurt and disappointments.. In reality I'm a calm person, whatever pain,hurt & disappointments I may have gets locked up inside..only comforted by my patience. But sometimes patience has its limits and all these feelings just weigh a heavy burden on the soul..Writing is the only way I know to let go before insanity finds its way. You see, after leaving my past, my thoughts on life were simple, look after myself & my family, never loose my faith in the Allah SWT, and improve my quality of life. However, it didn't seem simple as that, 'Life' always has a way of screwing up the picture in your head of how its supposed to be.. Well I mean, after about a year of leading my so-called single life of new beginnings and new adventures, I wasn't looking to commit or get into any relationships of sorts..I was content with life, made new friends, tried new things and picked up new skills.. I was happy for once, carefree and loving it.. Sometimes the loneliness would set it, but it was something that i could tolerate, I had my family pull me through those moments instead, and would spend as much time with them to distract those feelings aside. Little did I know that around the corner , life was waiting for me with another surprise..
It was 2 years ago that I met her, while on my routine morning run..We would cross each others path on our routes and exchange glances at first..then smiles, when it got more frequent. I admired her efforts and how she just flawlessly got herself to get up so early and run the distance. Often we would 'run in' to each other at the parking lot after each exhaustive run and just sit beside our cars to catch our breaths. We never got to talking..just little friendly gestures to keep each other motivated. As I was in and out of state, for work, I looked forward to each time I was home and used every opportunity I had to fit in a run, hoping to see her again. This happened for a couple of months..and with each 'run in', as we passed each other , it seemed that intentions were mutual. Progressing from a smile to a wave, then the faint 'hello' of tired lips.. Each time I was away, all I could think of..was her, my curiosity about this mystery girl got the best of me. How was it that I was starting to miss meeting this stranger? I thought hard and kept reminding myself that it was just one-sided, that it was just me and my loneliness talking there. Eventually, when I returned home, on my usual route, hoping to have a 'run in' with her, I kept telling myself that I would have the courage to at least talk to her once, you know make the first step and all. Luckily our paths crossed that day, in the way that both of us finished our runs about the same time. I guess she wasn't that tired that day because when she saw me, her face lit up and there was that smile again..as if she saw an old friend. The feeling was mutual on my end and without thinking, walked up to her and asked her " how was your run today?" and only responded by her abrupt " where have you been ?". We ended up with awkward smiles and giggles at that point. With all sweats and smiles, we sat on the tarmac, talking to each other as if we'd known each other for sometime..It felt good to finally meet her in person that day, a memory that I shall always remember...
No comments:
Post a Comment