It's been awhile since my last post...I feel like I'm neglecting my readers, forgive me...I know not what I do...but of what has been done to me is the question?! Unfortunately in the condition I am...health wise I mean, I don't think I'm up to it at all. My mind is numb...my thoughts are weathered...my mood is foul...can life get any more bitter than this?? What keeps me going...you may ask?? Her smile keeps me in touch with reality...and leaves a faint smile on this miserable face. Thoughts of Tengku S constantly flow through my head...flowing out of control...creating a new fantasy at every opportunity...
No, I'm not missing her... my heart misses her...no I don't think about her...but my mind wonders what she's doing when we are not together... Am I falling into another hole of depression ?? Missing, wanting and losing...what does it all mean?? Is this...love?! My mind is a mess, my worst thoughts are unwound...am I losing my sense of reality? It has been a trying month for me...with the Raya celebrations behind me, I can now rest myself...no more commitments...no more house visits...I just want to stay in...take refuge in the comfort of the walls that I call my home.
My short weekend with Tengku S was so unbelievable, even if it was only for a day, I'm grateful she took the time to fly over. The first time I saw her exit the arrival hall, I could see her grinning from end to end...I guessed that both of us were excited beyond it all...taking things in stride...I brought her home to meet my parents, since she was staying there anyway... formalities aside, I'm glad it was mum's doing for our paths to cross...it saves me the awkwardness of introducing her. The rest of the day had us just chilling out at home...catching up on things in our own lives. I had an 'open house' invite in the evening...a friend's house...the so-called friend that is going out with Ms Angel that is. Holding no grudges and at a time of forgiveness during Syawal, I opted to go , taking Tengku S along so as she would have a feel of the hospitality of our culture. It's her first visit here...so yeah, she was happy to obliged...but little did I know what to expect that night. I guess almost everyone in the office was there that night...I could see the look on the faces of the ladies...the notorious 'office gossipers' as their known...whispering questions between each other...wondering who was by my side...?? I felt like prince charming escorting Cinderella to the ball...I've always kept my life private and known to be 'solo' at all times...must be a shocker to them to see me...*ahem*...'taken' I mean. Maybe it was the raised attention from the guys that made me feel uncomfortable...?? I know they had their eyes on Tengku S...wondering who she was and how she wound up holding my hand ?? I'm sure I'll be interrogated the next working day at the office...typical... some people can be real busybodies...annoying...but that's just typical. Anyway, we did get to have a good time that night...I even got to introduce Tengku S to a few close friends...yes, I was proud to show her off...sounds shallow but I was enjoying every minute of it...
News of me must have traveled fast that night...got a text message the minute I reached home...something unexpected...which read...'' Who was that with you ?? Please reply me... Ms Angel ''. No reply was sent...silence and ignorance can be a powerful weapon. That night is over and forever shall be nothing less but a wonderful memory to me...something I'll be dreaming of in the days to come...how I wished for time to go by dead slow...I didn't want her to go the next day...
No, I'm not missing her... my heart misses her...no I don't think about her...but my mind wonders what she's doing when we are not together... Am I falling into another hole of depression ?? Missing, wanting and losing...what does it all mean?? Is this...love?! My mind is a mess, my worst thoughts are unwound...am I losing my sense of reality? It has been a trying month for me...with the Raya celebrations behind me, I can now rest myself...no more commitments...no more house visits...I just want to stay in...take refuge in the comfort of the walls that I call my home.
My short weekend with Tengku S was so unbelievable, even if it was only for a day, I'm grateful she took the time to fly over. The first time I saw her exit the arrival hall, I could see her grinning from end to end...I guessed that both of us were excited beyond it all...taking things in stride...I brought her home to meet my parents, since she was staying there anyway... formalities aside, I'm glad it was mum's doing for our paths to cross...it saves me the awkwardness of introducing her. The rest of the day had us just chilling out at home...catching up on things in our own lives. I had an 'open house' invite in the evening...a friend's house...the so-called friend that is going out with Ms Angel that is. Holding no grudges and at a time of forgiveness during Syawal, I opted to go , taking Tengku S along so as she would have a feel of the hospitality of our culture. It's her first visit here...so yeah, she was happy to obliged...but little did I know what to expect that night. I guess almost everyone in the office was there that night...I could see the look on the faces of the ladies...the notorious 'office gossipers' as their known...whispering questions between each other...wondering who was by my side...?? I felt like prince charming escorting Cinderella to the ball...I've always kept my life private and known to be 'solo' at all times...must be a shocker to them to see me...*ahem*...'taken' I mean. Maybe it was the raised attention from the guys that made me feel uncomfortable...?? I know they had their eyes on Tengku S...wondering who she was and how she wound up holding my hand ?? I'm sure I'll be interrogated the next working day at the office...typical... some people can be real busybodies...annoying...but that's just typical. Anyway, we did get to have a good time that night...I even got to introduce Tengku S to a few close friends...yes, I was proud to show her off...sounds shallow but I was enjoying every minute of it...
News of me must have traveled fast that night...got a text message the minute I reached home...something unexpected...which read...'' Who was that with you ?? Please reply me... Ms Angel ''. No reply was sent...silence and ignorance can be a powerful weapon. That night is over and forever shall be nothing less but a wonderful memory to me...something I'll be dreaming of in the days to come...how I wished for time to go by dead slow...I didn't want her to go the next day...
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