Happy New Year 2008...

My first post for 2008.... Happy New Year to all....

'' Everyone sends wishes for happiness, prosperity & health... but my wish for your 2008 is to materialise that one thing you have always wanted but never got. So let this year be the year, but don't sit around and wait for it to happen. Do what you need to do and this new year it will surely be yours! Happy 2008! "

This was my text to Ms Angel before the network jam at midnight... I hope she gets it... I really do. We did manage to exchange a few words before the end of the day at the office. She came round to my place hoping for a short chat, unfortunately I was caught up in something. I did get to ask her if she had plans for the new year's eve... all she said was " yup" and walked away. It kinda kills me when she does that... it gets me so wound up... irritating really! I was gonna ask her out for dinner and maybe go see the fireworks display by the beach not far from the Empire Hotel, but I guess it a bit too boring for her. Anyways, yours truly is sittin' at home alone... while she's out partying the night away. We both are living in two different worlds... one slow and the other fast paced. but why are we still attracted to each other, why?

My minds gone blank now... must be the thought of wondering what she's up to... or who is she with?? Questions...questions, yet answers still remain unanswered. I'm rambling again... I miss her so much, and the thought of spending new years eve with her would have been a great start to the year. However, that's just not the case, it's not my luck... it's not my day at all....

Lost without you...

Lost.... how can one feel 'lost' ?? Is it an emotion?... a feeling?... a sadness?? Different people interpret 'lost' in different ways. As for me, I would interpret 'Lost' as a feeling of emptiness, as if time has stood still. Bewildered or confused...it's the same thing. I feel I'm losing a battle I have not fought... it's not a joy to live with. I blame Ms Angel for all this...for making me feel this way, but I'm not the vengeful type... I may live in spite...but not hate... never.

Something happened today, I saw her heading out to lunch with some guy... it hurt for me to see that, she passed me as if I was invisible, not even a slight response, as if I'm a total stranger, it's bad enough she's been avoiding me the whole week....no text reply, no more messages, no calls returned... Maybe there's no 'me' in her life anymore. Should I assume the worse or has the storm just begun?? Yes, 'Lost' is how I'm feeling today, nothing else on my mind except jealousy and pain. I'm trying not to let it turn to hate, I'm trying to not let my emotions get the best of me... I want to move forward... it's just that she makes me feel like I'm back to square one. I don't want to be like this... am I weak or just naive?? ....Leave me be... leave me alone....

Ignorance unaccepted....

Another cold wet miserable day.... looking out my window I wonder why Ms Angel doesn't answer my calls nor reply my text messages anymore?? There are difficult questions between us, no answers ...just questions. I try not to think about it really, but the mind works in mysterious ways and negative thoughts always find their way to hurt my feelings. I'm feeling shallow.... used and forgotten. Is this pain worth it ?? The sacrifices I've made for her... the things I've put up with... I have no one to blame but myself... I have my regrets. I suffer alone.

Today is Christmas eve... I wonder what she's up to? I don't celebrate it, but I do wish her well. We have not made any plans for the coming new year, though I wish we did. Unfortunately for me, everything is rocky between us at the moment, just the thought of asking seems so awkward...it just feels so out of place... u know bad timing as they say.... not my luck at all this year. With regards to new year resolutions, I still thinking of some... I've accomplished about 70% of my list for 2007 and I hope next year, I get to complete whatever I've planned for myself.

It just started raining heavily again.... weather seems to put a damper on my day.... guessing I'll be staying in again.... wondering..wondering..

Acceptance of Truth....

It's been a long and tiring week..... I'm exhausted.....really.... I'm in no mood to blog...but hey, the show must go on....not that I have any readers...just that it has to go on...

I received a wedding invitation this week, quite surprised to see one this late in the year... upon opening it, saw it was from my past love (what I've done). However, the wedding was sometime in November? I'm confused?? Why send an expired invitation at all.... It occurred to me that she was giving me the 'heads up' because who knows we may run into each other and be able to avoid an awkward situation. Or it maybe a way of telling me that she's off the market...who knows? Anyways, I'm happy for her...really I am... I'm glad to know some guy out there is looking after her...giving her the affection she deserves. I just can't help to feel a bit sad that I didn't get to that stage with her. Anyways, we parted so suddenly and if this is her way of making amends to getting my blessing than I'm give it to her freely. I did some checking on the lucky groom, well all I can say that 'love has no boundaries, even age' why?? Well i think he's about 10years older than her...older than me I might add..anyways whats important is that they're happy, that's what counts!

As for me and Ms Angel...well we're still at it...a never ending tug-of-war, I just don't understand where she can be affectionate one day...and heartless the next... weird..way weird... but it keeps me on my toes. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day... I hope.

Trying times...

I've tried and tried again... but nothing seems to work. Ms Angel has me hooked up on her, wherever I go,I have a 'phobia' of bumping in to her. she knows I'm a creature of habit and can easily guess my hangouts or my retreat as I so fondly call it. I'm afraid she'll show up suddenly...and that makes me scared...scared to face her. Can't get why I'm feeling like this. All I know is that I shouldn't be like this, put myself in this dilemma. However human nature is a force to be reckon with and never goes down without a fight. I think she's kinda put me in my place, since I'm not a fighter...nor am I the vengeful type... *sigh* This sucks.... She has me on hook line and sinker and she knows it....

Introducing ... Ms Angel

Where do I start? I don't know? How do I? ??? These are the questions constantly cropping in my mind daily... I feel lost...I feel abandoned...and on the side...slightly used??! It all because of 'her'...wait a minute, from now on I'll just address 'her' as 'Ms Angel'. It's about time I gave her a nickname, since she's the only reason why I started this blog in the first place... Anyway, I'm still on holiday and trying to live the carefree moments I have all to myself.... but yeah, Ms Angel just had to text me..asking me If I miss her?? What the...??! I'm kinda caught off-guard about it.... *sigh* There goes my afternoon of tranquility and people-watching at Dome....

I do not know how to reply her, I just can't find the words....but I do miss her...however, giving her the pleasure of letting her know the way I feel is a no-no. I used to be obsessed about her...I guess 'being in love' will do that to anyone...but not me anymore, I just don't want to seem desperate. You know, play the ' hard to get' tactics...hahaha....in theory maybe it'll work...who knows? Well I finally decided not to text her back...I'll just keep her wondering.....Let's see how she feels when the tables are turned....against her.

Pause in time....

Greetings...it's been a while...remember me? Life has been on hold for me quite a while,guess work issues have kept me tied down to my desk...though I do wonder each time , when will i ever get to update my blog...when o' when??! Anyway I'm finally on holiday now, yes i have 3 weeks off from work and I intend to enjoy it to the fullest...indeed!! So what's been happening lately....hmmm..updates on the highlights of my life...err...'She' is no longer apart of my life..however she's still stuck in my mind like a salesman who gets his foot jammed in your front door...always there,never wanting to go till he makes a sale!..driving me nuts! I reckon she feels the same way too..but she just can't commit...and I'm just too fed up.

My parents are back too...they decided to spend the Raya season away from here, leaving yours truly to hold down the fort,yes it was chaotic maintaining the responsibilities of home and work..never again.

I've been persuaded by a mate to join up on 'Facebook'....finally...it's cool,somewhat addictive but in a way...kinda shows a different side to someone whom you thought was the exact opposite. Kinda realise after doing a search, that yeah, I do have some 'friends' in this lonely planet.. I'm wondering how I'm gonna spend my holiday now, planning to do some travelling...but on the other hand...staying at home doing nothing sounds just fine...I dunno..lets see...as you may know, everything and anything still depends on one's mood.

Heard on the Astro channel that there's gonna be a mega-concert in KL at the end of the month..sounds cool, maybe I should go..it's been a while since i travelled alone on holiday...gosh I sound like such a loser...*sigh* Elliot Yamin will be performing 'wait for you' there...nice...